And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
