the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
