Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
