smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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