so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
is wine microwaveable?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
