all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
