Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
