I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
