I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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