Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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