Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
