Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
