There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
