Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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