dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
