I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
