why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize