Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
