"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize