I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
