So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
