I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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