if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
