that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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