Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
