Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
