you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
did i just pee glitter
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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