So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
