used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
