I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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