It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
