Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
