The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
