Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
