I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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