Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
