this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
