Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
