Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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