Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
