Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
