Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
