yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
