he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
