I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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