can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
