I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
