I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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