Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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