listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize