just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
