you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
