the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
