Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
