There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
