Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
