I'm lost and stupid without you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
