they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
