I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
