im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize