he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
