I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
