Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
jump out the window naked night went bad
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