omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize