I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
