I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Someone came in the potted fern
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
