I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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