I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
