I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
