Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
