I'm pants shitting drunk right now
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
