Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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