Is it because I queefed?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
