my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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