I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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