There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
