Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
