Kiss
Puke
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
