just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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