Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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