He kissed a someone with a penis
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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