I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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