smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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