Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
