Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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