He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
