just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
