i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize