How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
