I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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