I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My vagina just clenched in fear
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
