I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
